The title is a line from the song ” Soon” by My Bloody Valentine.
Some times, the people we’re involved with don’t just leave us, or simply cheat on us, but they leave or cheat for someone else; a competitor comes along to play the monstrous antagonist in our fairytale. Knocking down that beautiful life we have painted in our heads. The agony raises one fundamental question that persists, some times, throughout our lives; What does the other woman / man possesses that we don’t; What do we lack that they don’t? Let’s just say one thing, that question will never be answered. You might go through a lot of discussions with the person who hurt you, they will never provide a sufficient answer. You might gossip and vent to your family and friends, you might ever reach out to the other woman / man, and they themselves can’t answer that question for you. You’re looking for relief.
Part of this pain is based on a crucial human characteristic; we know ourselves from within. We know too many specific details and exciting secrets about ourselves. But what we know about people is only their exterior. We only know what they choose to reveal; which, most of the time, is nothing but a shimmering picture they paint for themselves; a pretty face and a seductive personality! No one, after all, would show people the dark side, not even you! As a result, we may feel that the other woman / man, whom we were dumped for, or cheated on with (and whom we stalk on social networks), is an extraordinary person at all level; we’re shy, they’re not. We’re messy, they’re organized. We’re boring, but they like concerts, jokes and smiles. Our friends and family might reassure us, with good intentions, and remind us of our wit, knowledge, or awesomeness. Or they might remind us of how much they enjoy our company. However, this might not be the best way to get over the feeling of abandonment for someone else; someone whom we think is better than us.
To get over the pain of feeling worthless against the other woman / man, we must realize that every person is ordinary to a great extent. No such person is “the perfect one”. There are only differences between us. But eventually, we all share one thing, we all are ordinary people. And then we might also realize that the person who left for someone else is also as ordinary. Our failures in love, and our flaws might be real, very real. But the picture we know and the picture we have about our “competition” leans towards total ignorance. We know nothing about their flaws. What reaches us about their lives is only what they choose to share on their Instagram or Twitter! Getting over the pain can’t be achieved through denying the fact that we have a less awesome side, but it requires not to be hostile towards ourselves in picturing the other woman / man. Therefor, we get a more balanced picture of who they are, and how humans are alike.
Naturally, the “competition” has some qualities we lack, perhaps a better looking body, or a more satisfying job. Maybe they’re better educated or more interesting. Maybe they share more interests than us! But at the same time, guaranteed, they have a great number of flaws, the same way we do. This should provide some ease; Not because we know these flaws, but because we know that people are generally flawed. The general rule states that everyone we encounter must possess some quality or behavior that will disappoint us. No matter how much the other man / woman is attractive, they will disappoint that who disappointed us.
When our loved ones decided to jump to another relationship or cheat on us, they didn’t knock knock knock on heaven’s doors. They only replaced one flawed relationship with another. We should never torture ourselves with the idea that they would be unconditionally happy with the other! The lesson we should learn is that we’re not the only ones flawed, or damaged goods. But we were dumped or cheated on for a delusion that a person is always happier when in another relationship, but in fact, every human relationship is especially sad, and is uniquely beautiful.
I translated (with addition) the following tweets